7:00 Sharp
and not a moment later
is when the morning starts
when that alarm goes off ringin'
and the sounds of Mufasa,
our departed king
permeate the air.
of course,
that's also when
the war starts
between me,
and myself
the subconceous
and the real
it's fierce combat, really
-when the world wants you
to do something
you feel anxious,
surrounded; afraid
and under the pressure
of the whole fucking
world
like the nazis
in the final hours
of 1946.
sure, i manage
to hold on a little longer
fifteen, thirty sometimes
fourty-five
miniutes.
depending on how many times
I hit that
snooze button
but that doesn't stop
the morning air
from receiving my presence.
I wake up,
eventually
and stare upon this fucking
world I feel,
I can never love
my stomach - restless
from last nights
cigarette and coffee
binge
then I wonder,
as I take my first sip
of morning joe
and my first sip of
death:
"why did I even
bother waking up
on this god fucksaken
mundane morning?"
but there is never an answer
I guess every morning
is a mundane morning
without a god in the sky
or an angels face to
wake up to.
maybe she could
show me
meaning.
3rd time...
Ive tried writing something about this 3 times now, and found that mrs. wilson couldn't have been more correct when she told us our writing is terribly disorganized.
Aparently, we're supposed to develop a purpose for writing, and since there's no actual prompt or question today, i take it as incumbant upon myeslf to establish why i'm writing this post. To complain; you're welcome to call me a nagging bitch; thats you're perrogative.
God is an entity with a bad sense of humor,
Thus far, i've established myself to be quite religiously apathetic. Although I aknowlege an existance in a higher power, i'm not quite sure what to think of it yet. Today i've stepped closer to understanding though for i've stumbled upon the conclusion that god has a terrible sense of humor. I've found that i'm destined to a life of solitude. Now this may not include emotional solitude, for thanks to a special someone, my need for being liked/loved is quite satisfied. *thank you*. But physicaly, I'm destined to solitude. Why you ask? becuase god sees to it it that everyone that reciprocates any form love, or rather, feelings beyond friendship reamains physically intangible. Har d fucking har har... I don't think its funny for everything that I want at this moment right now, i'll never have. This is the sad truth. Realities a bitch.
As for school, fuck it.
I'm tired of fucking stress..
Maybe we'll talk later blog,
Goodluck && Goodnight.
-Shikhar