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Waking Life

You say it is you whos job it is to nurture me, to help me grow, but how can I grow without space? You, you want me to grow to be someone intelligent, someone strong, someone whos hands rest on the levies of power. I recognise this, But how is it that I'm expected to grow when your shaddow, are pinning me to the earth witch you have cherrished. How, how can you expect me to grow when the spit of your tongue is the same spit which is drowning me, in a pool stained with the dried blood of your past.

You say you want whats best for me, that in order for me to grow I must adhere to your standards for personal betterment, but fail recognise the growth which has occurred so blatantly in front of your eyes in the past 15 years. Why? Because you don't know me. You have ignored me, and seperated me from who I am when I speak to you through fear. I am afriad of you, because I cannot talk to you without angering you. I will not say you have given up on me, for that is simply untrue - but, you have, you have created a wall so thick with fear, it has become embedded in this "relationship" I have with you. So thick, that in attempting to take a single bloody brick out of this wall, I will have destroyed us.

I am fluid, and each drop of education that I add in this life makes me larger, makes me grow. I have become too large for your container, and it is begining to overflow. I can now see your values, your actions from the outside, and though I am not attempting to disrespect or devalue you, that is exactly waht you have done to me. Age may add to the shape of ones values, but I am not your reflection.

Now, here I am writing about you, pouring my heart into a container, a table on a website for the world to see... but you will never stumble upon this, because you are out somewhere driving, away from me with the idea that I simply don't care, but you are mistaken in this assertian. For if I simply didn't care I wouldn't spend this waking life thinking, writing, about my experiences. Thinking, writing, about you.

Although I may never try again to remove that brick - understand that I will not appologize for doing so. Don't expect that I will.


V A L U E S are something you must R E S P E C T

-Shikhar

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