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[Im]mortal Combat.

Immortal Combat.

What a title for a semi-profane return to the internet scene. Not to say I had followers or even chronic readers - fuck, I didn't even have a direction -- I just feel its important to note that I haven't written here in fucking ages! Only adding to the irony is that I've written of similar epiphanies quite often in the past few months. Fuck it. Life remains an eternal return of the same - what else is new??

So shit. Let's not play games with excuses. The real reason I haven't been writing here is a little blury to me - but I have a few theories as to why not.

1. Business.
2. Laziness.
3. Self-Conceousness.
4. High Expectations.
5. Debate.
6. Utter Shit. (pronounced: Other -- for more: see raving idiot, Emanuel Levinas)

Now, on to more interesting news...

I think I've come to yet another profound conclusion about life. Although I am conflicted on whether or not whether it's a conclusion or simply another beginning. A new marker in the journey to self-appreciative unconditional affirmation of who I are. (I know, I keep it fresh like Whole Foods.) This conclusion, however simple, I know, is a difficult perspective to uphold, a truth only for those brave enough to forge their own way through nothingness. I have yet to meet a person so brave, and I must add that I in fact do not see such a figure in my own shadow. Enough with the buildup, most of you have probably heard me say this sometime or the other: "life is a swirl of eternal meaninglessness."

ok, lets stop. Before you egg my house or send me nasty emails telling me "My life has meaning; ya douche!! [insert trail of profanities]" let me clarify what it is I am attempting to so publicly declare on this here internets. (and yes, you're welcome to use that as an email template) I began pondering the idea a few months back, but I never really understood how cold we were in the shaddow of our befallen god until pretty recently... Have you ever filled up a condom with water due to a lack of water baloons? .... becuase I haven't. But I think that if such a condom were to break before my eyes, I would be a witness to perhaps the greatest metaphor for a Nietzschean Big Bang (Pun Intended); That is, a giant cataclysmic accident that dispersed the forces across the great cosmos in an endless swirling game.

Though the joker often poses "why so serious?" I have yet to see a plausable victim take his questions seriously. Heath ledger was a phenominal actor, and I think that this kind of dismissive discern is precisely what drove him crazy! Just because the fucker had a clown mask on isn't a reason to not take him seriously. I Tried ; Thought; then Failed. Until I realized... maybe there was no good answer. Ask your self, "Why So Serious?!?" Who ever knew that a played out batman line could represent something so profoundly Nietzschean. Why are we so serious? :: About school, about work, about church, about friends, about our beliefs?! We pious fools have bowed before false gods and now do believe that there is a certain way we "ought to be." Has the madmans message not yet reached us? Why do we still choose to stand in the shaddow of our god? I'll tell you. Although god may be dead, and our hands - tainted with blood - We still embody the weakness that we so fundamentally clutched on to for so long. The lies that we call truths promise a new world - the greater kingdom of heaven where there was only good, and the bad stayed away. Well I've got a question for you world, What if it isn't that simple... What if there are no white and black? What if the only color on gods palet is toumbstone grey? Should we still chose to live our lives in seriousness and piety to the weaknesses we have dubbed strengths? I personally think not, but it's up to you to decide your position on that one.

"Why?" - Not only a good band, but also a tricky question. Being a curious goerge fan, I posed this question as often as possible -- although i was never really satisfied with the answer. Why was the sky blue? because god made air particles. Why are they blue? because air particles reflect light. No matter where I looked, the heavens or the bare hands of human innovation. I consistantly discovered "how" but never "why" things were the way they were. Until one night, in the very room I sit in, it hit me like a train. What did? Silence. The same silence I had felt when I asked why the sky was the way it was, or why people die, or why every good thing has to end, or why I was so chubby. Although a familiar feeling had returned, it brought with it a revealing even heidegger would pay to see.

No. Not pics of Jessica Alba nude you fucking pervs -- the moment revealed that maybe there was no answer to the question "why?" that maybe the me, you, the world and it's moon are all just a small fraction of a glorious accident who's reverbrations we surf and call "experience." Sure it's stupid, and you're right - i can't prove it. But something doesn't have to be falsifyable to be a "truth" for absolute truth was burried with god, it is only our fear which props it up today. I'm not saying we shouldn't have truths, just that we should be brave enough to forge our own. That always makes for the most interesting people.

So here we are. Meaningless, Unequal, Fragmented and Alone. But that doesn't mean it's the end of the road. Do the highest mountains cower in fear, or stand tall in all of their glory? Do the tallest trees shrink to be like their comrades, or do their comrads grow - to some day be even half their height? My point is, that just because meaning isn't legislated in our lives doesn't mean that we can never lead meaningful lives. I think it's better put as tabula rasa, a clean slate on which you must mold yourself out of nothingness.

Go ahead, I dare you.

If everything was permitted, what will you do?
Are you strong enough to part the sea of meaninglessness?


fuck.

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