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Plans


no one starts out life
knowing it is going to be meaningless
it all starts with big plans,
larger than life.

curing diseases, being firemen
falling in love, living freely
you know -- dreams,
ambition, aspirations maybe;


The thing is, dreams stay exactly what they are;
and what they always will be :
Dreams.

And one dreary night we look in the mirror;
42, alone and oh so fucking
broken and realize
that we can't stand the reflection
staring back at us.
one by one,
sometimes two by two,
we leave this cruel world
just as we entered it
lonely,
miserable,
and crying our fucking lungs out.

A Dance with Destiny



We exchanged a look
as she troddled up the incline
of the top floor
of a parking garage
in some suburban neighborhood,
no different from the rest of 'em

she had jet black hair,
and plump white cheeks.
Her name was Helen,
I assumed so at least, as she looked
as all helens do, I figured
with piercing blue eyes
in which I could only see my own reflection
and pale milky skin
which was smoother than sandpaper, at the very least

Although we only exchanged but that one brief moment
between shock and awe;
that another human soul was here,
sitting on the ledge
on the seventh floor of a parking garage
overlooking the entire city
on a friday night
sculpting words
into expressions
the trademark of a poet

But this moment had to end,
as all moments do, I suppose
as she quietly creeked
to the other end of that lot
sat atop her throne, and lit a cigarette
or two
and our words danced,
although we never exchanged a word

As the city clock struck twelve
and the pidgens startled into the midnight sky
I think we both shared something
like ordered chaos
or beautiful sorrow
in my dance with destiny,
I tasted fate.

The Wall




For a poet,
there is no hell like
writers block

the impossibility of
expressing the thoughts
that linger within
that hold each moment hostage
that torture - is like no other

Perhaps this is the quiet
before the storm
the last breath before destruction
or perhaps I just need to breath
...or fart

Handicapped




what is a knight without armor
or a souljer without a gun
or a doctor without a stethascope
or a businessman without a business
or a poet without a thought
about what to say
or how to say it
I wish I forgot my pen,
... at least then I'd have an excuse

Today, I am useless.

The Simple Life




"Life's a bitch; you work
and work, and work
and for what?
-- to realize that what you have just ain't good
at least, not good enough."

"harry..."

"shut up and listen, woman
there's no time for consolation
no time for your petty lies
shit, there's barely even time for me..."

"..."

"look at me,
42, overweight, balding and
a night-shift assistant manager
at a grocery store no one has ever heard of...
I can't keep looking myself in the mirror and asking
Is this really how it was meant to be? "

"No Harry: this is not how it was supposed to be
we all have big plans
about what we wanted to do in life
about what we want to see.
about where we want to go, and
even who we wanted to be.

Fuck, you think this is where I want to be Harry?
38, a stay at home wife -
the personal assistant
of a night-shift assistant manager
of a grocery store that no one has ever heard of
who doesn't love me enough to marry me..."

"How did we end up like this, vanessa
where did all the good go?
how the fuck did we not see this one coming..."

"we were blinded harry,
by ourselves,
by our parents,
by our teachers,
and most of all,
our plans...

after all, no one plans on being miserable
not us,
not the junkies next door
not the old couple across the hall
and certainly not the millionaires in hollywood

it all starts with big plans and ambitions
but ends exactly the same.
for all of us..."


"What are you trying to say...
that a man shouldn't have dreams?
that a man should expect
to die in this world - just as he came into it
miserable,
alone,
and crying his fucking lungs out?"

"maybe Harry, maybe...
maybe this wouldn't be so bad if we didn't expect
nothin out of it. Hell, maybe we'd be proud..
of managing not to kill ourselves each day"

"Fuck you, Vanessa...
maybe I don't want to live in a world
without hope
maybe that's just not good enough for me

what do you cunts know about dreams anyway?
you cook, you clean
and sometimes...
you even look good enough to fuck

You've accomplished everything
that the world expects from a woman,
i'm the failure..."

"Go to hell Harry,
I have dreams just like you do.
You ever wonder what the hell it's like for me?
at least you got a chance
to do what you want,
to be what you want to be
you fucked that up, and that's your burden to carry

me?
I've just been stuck here with you
day in and day out
cooking, cleaning
and doing my fucking best
to be the best woman I know how to be
but that doesn't mean I don't have dreams

there's not a day I don't think about
how things coulda been different
if I went to ballet school...

but we all can't do what we dramed of doing
that's not how the world was meant to go round

besides,
what are those big 'ol dreams gettin you now, huh?
you ain't happy
you've never been happy...

All i'm sayin is maybe,
things wouldn't be so bad
if we just forgot about what we wanted
and learned to deal with what we've got"

Harries tension burst
into tears
of anger,
of sorrow,
of confusion,
and slowly rolled down his cheeks
vanessa's charcoal rimmed eyes began to leak, too

"what the fuck ever happened to the simple life?"

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