2006, We hardly knew you...right?

So breaks been pretty good, and 2006 is coming to an end... despite all that i've done this year (the good and the bad) I'm thankful to all of you for making it memorable. Lets take a few miniutes to address a few things (what some refer to as "inconsistencies").

+: The whole Nihilist spew ... :+
-made a big decision recently - I'm not a nihilist (atleast not yet) - but thats not to say that i will or am destined to be one. I really enjoy reading nietzsche, not because he's a pessimist and i'm some sort of bastard that enjoys pain, but because his philosophy makes sense to me. It clicks. (although i do ponder the occasional "wtf" while reading Human, all too human.) Infact I read a really interesting passage today that entailed that we can only become "free spirits" if we can "climb the rungs of the moral ladder" to see metaphysics for what it is. And only with contempt can we rise to break down the paradigm of society. (values, religion etc...) but we'll save that for a later post (i'm sure i have no idea what i'm talking about)

+: Debate :+
-Things are going to stay the same, I'm not going to quit (not now at least). Although i must say i'm not very content with the choice of tournaments we're going too. A medium of communication is better than none. (++ assuming J doesn't go COMPLETELY nuts - I've still got state).

+: Friends :+
-As much as I tell you how much I hate you, I love you guys. Thanks for all the comments on the facebook blog and helping me see =) (much appreciated) I hope that 2007 will bring just as many awesome friends and just as awesome memories. =) =)
How about we embarrace a few of you fuckers? =P (No spec. order)

Steph (eatus-nothingus) - You're a total bad-ass. Thanks for listening to me when I'm sad, for abandoning your friends for me @ lunch =P, and overall being a great friend. We're going to have a blast @ Debate camp this summer, wont we?

Chacko (cuttus-wristus) - Alright you Emo bastard, i decided to appease you by putting you in here (just so you wont cut yourself over ME anymore) Looking forward to another whole semester of Algebra II with your ass. Remember the good times, at bay city GImprov for ever =) =) =)

Mack (fattus-maximus) - oh man, where do i even start? Thanks for beating me up every morn... oh wait. Thanks for pushing me arou... oh wait. OH!! I know, thanks for 6th in group impro... oh wait (That was chacko's fault). But what I really want to thank you for... is your warmups =) =) (i really do enjoy fucking over black people..)

Raj (First name ass, last name hole) - yeah, i said it. No really, you're an awesome guy (when you want to be). We've got man-love. Thanks for listening to my problems and going on a diet with me. I'll make sure we make YOUR "christmas wish" come true.

Rishab (original_scammer) - Yeah we've done stupid shit together... so what? lol - thanks for covering my ass when mondo wouldn't stfu. You're awesome.

Ha (dorkus maximus)- You're an angel, yes you are. Thank you for being there at like 1 in the morning when I needed someone to talk to. Youuu are amazing ha, and its hard to believe that you will be gone next year... almost.. sad =(.

Asif (terrorist.) - Asif, you're a badass. I won't forget your beard, oh! and ofcourse all of the CX you tought me fish year. thank youu. You took a lot of time out of your junior year to teach us, and I hope one day to prove to you that your efforts weren't in vain. --You're great asif.

Lara (m-azing) - You've taught me so much, I cant even begin to tell you. Thank you Lara, you taught me debate, life, philosophy and to believe in the power of language. (and much more ;-)) Thank you for being there for me when i need to talk... I'm going to miss you so much =(

Ofcourse these are only the people that first popped into my head... if you want a spew of your own, aim/call/comment.

+: Love, Like, Significance? :+
-So a few of you may know, I really like someone. Maybe Christmas was a bust guys, but I think in a sense talking to her is my "divine" gift (if i'm even allowed to use that word). The only thing thats been killing me lately is the distance situation. For all of you who have ever had a significant other that lived more than 45 minutes away: I sympathize, because its balls when you're sad. Regardless, I think this last month of 06 has been pretty good -- Thank you =)

When you love someone, I mean really love someone, there come with this love a few responsibilities. Theres the responsibility of welfare, to make sure you're significant other is ok at the end of the day, the responsibility of comfort (which of course lies in being able to be as comfortable as a panda around him/her) and finally, the responsibility of externalization(this probibly should have been first, but its more dramatic to put the one you're having problems with at the end).
Regardless of how much you tell them you love them, seeing the inevitably limited nature of language, we find that words are unable to transcend your feelings. But what does one do when words are the only thing you have... I suppose describing your feelings is sufficient? This i can do.

You're the reason I woke up. I run home because I want to talk to you, but when we talk on the way home... I dread seeing my driveway. I spell your name with skittles. I manage to bore my friends talking about you, but Its exhilarating to me. I look at my phone, just for the screen saver (thats you!). I dream about you. I eagerly wait for your replies. I look at my phone in the middle of the night, just to see if you called. You make me feel valued. You make me feel significant. I day dream about you. I miss you. I can't get you out of my mind, and I don't even want to try anymore. Your happyness is a personal struggle. (for me).

Theres so much more, but i'll add later guys. Sometimes you just don't feel like writing through tears.


Reproclimation: God is Dead.

"God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we, murderers of all murderers, console ourselves? That which was the holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet possessed has bled to death under our knives. Who will wipe this blood off us? With what water could we purify ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we not ourselves become gods simply to be worthy of it?"
— Nietzsche, The Gay Science

You know what world? I've been thinking and Nietzsche couldn't have been more correct when he said "god is dead". However, I do not agree to the fact that we have killed god. God has killed us. He has killed the inspiration of a 15 year old child, he has killed the hope in the hearts of millions he has killed so many around the world. "come to the light, come to my arms" he says. Thats bullshit, thats just a fucking excuse to take our loved ones and cause excessive pain. I stand here, living a life that I can't say i'm to fond of, because every time anything good ever happens to me, its taken away. The world is a melancholy place, crowded with the dark discomfort of knowing whatever you have today may be gone tomorrow. Sometimes this is why I cry... but other times its beucase of all the things that i'll never get to experience, all the things I wont ever have.

I won't ever have the opertunity to debate at the TOC; not to say that I would ever qualify for it concidering that i'm a terrible debater, "hightower F" as some proclaim. Why? because my fucking school is too busy buying football equipment, spending so much money on basketball shoes and equipment that it refuses to support anything remotely intellectualy stimulating. I've embraced you're thinking Lara, this intellectual discussion we want to have after a debate round won't ever happen. Ever. Not as long as the best tournament we go to all year is Katy Taylor and a fucking game is more important than something thats remotly academically stimulating.

Moreover, today has opened my eyes to Nihilism. Maybe every action we take realy is setting us up for a bigger fall? I for one am tired of this temporary pleasures, temporary happyness, temporary peace. I'm tired of working and working for things only to have them snached from me. I'm tired of loving so much, only to be slapped by reality. I'm tired of having everything I love taken away from me... so maybe I shouldn't persue it in the first place? Wouldn't that be smart? Then again, I'm incapable of rationality. Catch a fucking hint, our actions mean nothing.

I'm out. maybe i'll add more later..

oh, and thanks again world.


God the [not] so funny commedian

3rd time...

Ive tried writing something about this 3 times now, and found that mrs. wilson couldn't have been more correct when she told us our writing is terribly disorganized.

Aparently, we're supposed to develop a purpose for writing, and since there's no actual prompt or question today, i take it as incumbant upon myeslf to establish why i'm writing this post. To complain; you're welcome to call me a nagging bitch; thats you're perrogative.

God is an entity with a bad sense of humor,
Thus far, i've established myself to be quite religiously apathetic. Although I aknowlege an existance in a higher power, i'm not quite sure what to think of it yet. Today i've stepped closer to understanding though for i've stumbled upon the conclusion that god has a terrible sense of humor. I've found that i'm destined to a life of solitude. Now this may not include emotional solitude, for thanks to a special someone, my need for being liked/loved is quite satisfied. *thank you*. But physicaly, I'm destined to solitude. Why you ask? becuase god sees to it it that everyone that reciprocates any form love, or rather, feelings beyond friendship reamains physically intangible. Har d fucking har har... I don't think its funny for everything that I want at this moment right now, i'll never have. This is the sad truth. Realities a bitch.

As for school, fuck it.
I'm tired of fucking stress..

Maybe we'll talk later blog,
Goodluck && Goodnight.


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